Why Is That Strategy Falling Flat - Why Your Family Strategy Might Be Missing the Mark

In today’s world, scrolling through social media can sometimes feel like stepping into a gallery of perfect families and flawless parenting moments. We see friends and acquaintances showcasing their “ideal” lives—a family down the street with a daughter who seems to excel at everything, or parents who proudly boast about their son’s impressive achievements or a child who is making those beautiful mother’s day and father’s day cards and gifts to be posted on social media. It’s hard not to compare ourselves to these snapshots, right?

You might find yourself thinking, “Why can’t my kids be more like that?” or “What am I doing wrong?” It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when we see posts about children who are overachievers, acing their exams, excelling in sports, having those perfect relationships with their parents, and participating in every extracurricular activity imaginable. It can feel like there’s a secret formula to raising successful kids that everyone else has figured out but you.

But let’s take a moment to pause and reflect. Chasing these ideals can leave us feeling agitated and angry—not just with our kids but also with ourselves and the world around us. It’s as if social media is telling us there’s a right way to raise kids, a checklist of achievements that will lead to happiness and fulfillment. When we try to follow these strategies and they don’t seem to work, it can create a sense of frustration and despair.

Take, for instance, a parent who believed wholeheartedly in the saying, “Families that eat together, stay together.” Every day, she envisioned a dinner table filled with laughter, engaging conversations, and a sense of unity. But in reality, her partner preferred to eat late, often opting to have dinner alone in front of the TV. He didn’t participate much in raising their child, leaving her feeling like she was shouldering the entire burden of family life.

As the days turned into weeks, she felt the weight of her expectations crushing down on her. She desperately wanted to create that picture-perfect family dinner, but it felt out of reach no matter how hard she tried. The more she pushed for everyone to gather around the table, the more isolated she felt. It was a constant source of turmoil for her, and she began to believe that she was falling short as a mother and a partner.

This parent’s struggle reflects a common theme in parenting today: the pressure to conform to ideals that don’t always fit our family dynamics. She was holding onto a strategy that worked for some families but simply didn’t resonate with hers. Instead of fostering connection, her insistence on family dinners became a source of stress and disappointment.

Think about it: how often do we see posts celebrating the “perfect” family dinner, where everyone is smiling, the food looks gourmet, and the kids are well-behaved? Meanwhile, our own dinner tables might resemble a scene from a comedy—kids arguing over who gets the last piece of pizza, spills everywhere, and a parent trying to keep it all together. It’s easy to feel like we’re failing when we compare our reality to those polished images.

Consider the perfect morning routine often showcased by influencers, complete with peaceful wake-ups, healthy breakfasts, and calm children. In reality, mornings can be chaotic, with kids refusing to get out of bed, breakfast spills, and last-minute school notebook or sock hunts. The pressure to replicate this perfection can lead to feelings of inadequacy.

Or think about the beautifully arranged, homemade meals that flood our feeds. While healthy eating is important, many parents juggle work, school, and extracurricular activities, making it challenging to prepare gourmet meals every day, and for some even preparing fresh meals each day can be a challenge. This can lead to guilt when resorting to quick, convenient options that may not be as visually appealing.

Social media is also filled with elaborate school projects and crafts that can be inspiring but often overlook the time, resources, and skill required to execute them. Many parents find themselves overwhelmed when trying to replicate these projects, leading to disappointment when their attempts don’t match the perfect results seen online.

Then there’s the narrative that “screen time is evil.” While many posts advocate for strict limits, the reality is that screens can be valuable tools for education and connection, especially in today’s digital world. Parents may feel pressured to adhere to rigid guidelines, only to find that a balanced approach works better for their family.

Moreover, social media often portrays families as perpetually happy and engaged, with smiling faces in every photo. This can create unrealistic expectations, as every family experiences challenges, conflicts, and tough days. The pressure to maintain a façade of happiness can lead to feelings of isolation and inadequacy when reality doesn’t match the curated image.

Many viral parenting hacks promise to simplify life, but many fall short in practice. For example, the idea that a simple trick can get kids to clean their rooms or do homework without resistance can lead to frustration when the reality is much messier and requires consistent effort and communication. And it leaves the parent feeling, “why am I unable to do it?”

Also, while many influencers preach the importance of balance in parenting, the reality is that achieving balance is often elusive. Parents may feel guilty for not being able to juggle work, family time, and self-care, leading to stress and burnout when trying to meet these lofty expectations.

And what about the pressure to raise “successful” children? We see parents bragging about their kids’ accomplishments, and it can feel like a competition. Are we measuring our worth as parents by how our children appear to the world? This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. We might start to believe that our value is tied to our children’s achievements, which is a heavy burden to carry.

Phew!!

And do you know why all this might not be working for you. The reason is very simple and clear, because that strategy is NOT YOU. It doesn't match your values and that is why it doesn't come easy to you.

The truth is, parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about connection. It’s about understanding that every family is unique, with its own set of values, challenges, and joys. Instead of chasing after someone else’s idea of success, we need to focus on what truly matters to us as a family. What do we cherish? What values do we want to instill in our children?

Imagine a family where the conversation flows freely, laughter fills the air, and everyone feels valued and heard. That’s the kind of environment we should strive for—not the picture-perfect moments we see online. By fostering open communication and understanding, we create a safe space for our children to express themselves and explore their identities.

So, how do we break free from this cycle? The answer lies in embracing our own family values. When we take the time to reflect on what we hold dear, we begin to carve out a path that is authentic to us. This journey of self-discovery allows us to build relationships with our children that are rooted in trust, respect, and love.

What if we modeled authenticity for our children? What if we taught them the importance of being true to themselves, embracing their quirks, and navigating life’s challenges with confidence? This foundation of self-acceptance is invaluable as they grow into adulthood, equipping them with the tools to face the world on their own terms.

And I offer you hope. I know as a mom how fearsome, difficult and exhausting all this can be. But there IS HOPE.

Because, the journey of parenting is not about perfection; it’s about connection. It’s about understanding that our family values are the compass that guides us through the complexities of raising children. By embracing our unique perspectives and experiences, we can create a nurturing environment that fosters growth, love, and understanding.

So, let’s step away from the noise of social media, the sounds of material accomplishments, and tune into the heartbeat of our families. Let’s celebrate our individuality and the values that make us who we are. Instead of feeling pressured to conform to someone else’s standards, let’s embrace our unique journey.

Are you ready to let go of the comparison game? If I asked you, what values will you choose to focus on as you nurture your family? Remember, the most profound parenting wisdom often comes from within our own hearts and homes, not from the outside world. Let’s find joy in our own stories and create a fulfilling life that reflects who we truly are.

If you want to go on a journey of discovering yourself so YOU can be the parent your child is worthy of, and you can raise YOUR child as YOUR heart calls out, reach out on support@themindfulfamily.in and schedule a call with me to discover what you really desire, what your values are, what are your roadblocks to letting go of external validation, understand your children and how you can raise your child who will be yours alone and not some one else’s reflection.

Love & Hugs

Jaspreet Chopra

Founder & Parent Coach @The Mindful Family